Q: Are good manners something that a person naturally possesses or are they something he attains?
A: Just as manners can be innate, they can also - without doubt - be attained. This means that just as a person can naturally have fine, beautiful character, another can put forth effort and attain good character by adapting to it. The Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) said to Ashajj Abdul-Qays: “Verily you have two characteristics that Allah loves: Tolerance and deliberateness.” He replied, “O Messenger of Allah! Are they characteristics that I have attained or has Allah created me with them? He said: “Rather, Allah has created you
with them.” So he said, “All praise is for Allah, the One who created me with two characteristics beloved to Allah and His Messenger!”
For the one whose deeds are great and many, he must busy himself with showing gratitude for them, for the accord to show gratitude is one of the greatest blessings Allah bestows upon His servant. It is obligatory upon him to meet these deeds with gratitude and realize his deficiency in displaying due gratitude.
Wahb ibn al-Ward, when asked about the reward of a particular deed, said, “Ask not about its reward, but ask about the gratitude due upon one who was guided to it.” [Abu Nu’aym]
Abu Sulayman would say, “How can an intelligent person be amazed with his deeds? Deeds are one of Allah’s blessings, as such it is upon him to show gratitude and to show humility.” [Abu Nu’aym]
The Name of Allah azza wa jal “Al-Barr” is one of my favorite. Here is a short explanation of this beautiful Name:
إِنَّا كُنَّا مِن قَبْلُ نَدْعُوهُ ۖ إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْبَرُّ الرَّحِيمُ
“Indeed, we used to supplicate Him before. Indeed, it is He who is the Beneficent( Al-Barr ), the Merciful.” (52:28)
Imam Al-Qurtubi says: Al-Barr is the One who does not stop His ihsaan because of the sins and disobedience of His slaves.
Imam Al-Ghazali says: He is the One who graciously bestows upon those who ask of Him because what He gives is the best, and upon those who worship Him because His reward is the most beautiful.
Ar-Raazi says: He is the One who is kind to the wrongdoers, pardons transgression, forgives the sinner, turns to the one who repents to Him, accepts the plea of those who ask Him. He has turned to His slaves with praiseworthy actions and good expectations, while He is the most deserving of them.
Ibn al-Qayyim says: Al-Barr is the Most Kind and Courteous; the One who is Gentle with His servants. He does not want hardship for them, rather only ease. He pardons their many sins and wrongdoings. He does not take them to account for all of their crimes. He rewards their good deeds with ten more like it, while He does not recompense a sin with more, and He does not hold their desire to sin against them.
And Al-Barr, May He be glorified, is loving to His slaves, and He is the One who does good to them through His vast blessings and favors, in His gratefulness and His response and turning to them. The pious slave is grateful to His Rabb and races for His pleasure, and he turns away from that which He hates.
When a calamity befalls the believer, he begins making duaa constantly, but he may not see any sign of a response for some time. When he is close to despair, Allah looks into his heart to see if he is pleased and content with the Decree, and not hopeless or discouraged. If this is his situation, then the response comes quickly because this contentment and pleasure in Allah’s Decree is what reforms and fixes the eman, and it destroys Shaytan. And during that moment when the believer is close to despair is when the real men are determined.
This is seen in the statement of Allah azza wa jal:
حَتَّىٰ يَقُولَ الرَّسُولُ وَالَّذِينَ آمَنُوا مَعَهُ مَتَىٰ نَصْرُ اللَّهِ
‘..Until [even their] messenger and those who believed with him said,”When is the help of Allah ?” (2:214)
And this is what occurred with Ya’qub alayhi salaam - after he lost two children, he did not despair, rather he said:
عَسَى اللَّهُ أَن يَأْتِيَنِي بِهِمْ جميعا
“Perhaps Allah will bring them to me all together.” (12:83)
And likewise with Zakariyyah alayhi salaam - he did not despair even with old age from having children:
وَلَمْ أَكُن بِدُعَائِكَ رَبِّ شَقِيًّا
“and never have I been in my supplication to You, my Lord, unhappy.” (19:4)
So, be aware of why the response is delayed! Understand that He is The Master, and that He is The Most Wise in planning, and Most Knowing of what will lead to the reformation of His slaves. Know that He wants to put you through trials to test what you hide in your heart, and that He wants to see your humility, and that He wants to reward you for your patience. Know that He wants to test you with a delay in response so that you can fight the whispers of Shaytan.
Indeed every one of these things strengthens the recognition of His Favors and leads to being thankful to Him. Thus when the trial begins, the supplications lengthened, and the one in hardship shows his need and takes refuge in Allah - he will be content with everything.
Know that time does not remain at a stand-still, for Allah azza wa jal says:
وَتِلْكَ الْأَيَّامُ نُدَاوِلُهَا بَيْنَ النَّاسِ
And these days [of varying conditions] We alternate among the people. (3:140)
One time it is poverty, and another time it is wealth. Once it is honor, and another it is humiliation. So the happy one is the one who remains well-grounded in each situation, and that is the one who has taqwa of Allah azza wa jal. For if he is wealthy, it beautifies him. If he becomes poor, the doors of patience open up for him. And if he is healthy, he recognizes the blessings upon him. If he is tested, he bears it all. The alternation of days does not hurt him - no matter if he is elevated, or if he is starving.
This is because all of these situations change and do not remain constant, but taqwa is the foundation of peace. It is the guard that does not sleep, taking you by the hand when you slip. And the disgraced one is the one who is deceived by the sweetness of his present situation without having any taqwa. Soon enough that situation will change and he will be a loser.
So, hold tight to taqwa in every situation. You will only see vastness in every confinement and well-being in every sickness. This is the riches of the present, and what the future holds is known.
For the one whose deeds are great and many, he must busy himself with showing gratitude for them, for the accord to show gratitude is one of the greatest blessings Allah bestows upon His servant. It is obligatory upon him to meet these deeds with gratitude and realize his deficiency in displaying due gratitude.
Wahb ibn al-Ward, when asked about the reward of a particular deed, said, “Ask not about its reward, but ask about the gratitude due upon one who was guided to it.” [Abu Nu’aym]
Abu Sulayman would say, “How can an intelligent person be amazed with his deeds? Deeds are one of Allah’s blessings, as such it is upon him to show gratitude and to show humility.” [Abu Nu’aym]
At-Tufayl bin Ubayy bin Ka`b (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: I used to visit Abdullah bin Umar (May Allah be pleased with them) in the morning and accompany him to the market. Abdullah offered greetings of peace to every one he met on the way, be they sellers of petty goods, traders or poor people. One day when I came to him, he asked me to accompany him to the market. I said to him: “What is the point of your going to the market when you do not sell, nor ask about articles, nor offer a price for them, nor sit down with any company of people. Let us sit down here and talk.” He replied: “O Abu Batn (belly)!, we go to the market to greet everyone we meet.” [Malik]
Lessons from this hadith:
1- Spreading the salam is from the sunnah and one of the ways to enter Jannah.
Imam ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyyah (died 1350 CE), may Allah have mercy on him, is one of the scholars that nearly every Muslim knows or has heard of. His quotes and sayings on the heart, the nature of desires, and worshiping Allahsubhanahu wa ta’ala (Glorified is He)are posted everywhere. He is known as the “heart doctor” for specializing in the diseases of the hearts and their cures.
It is agreed upon by the scholars that when a scholar is accepted by the people and beloved to them that,insha’Allah (God willingly), he was sincere in his work and Allah (swt) accepted it from him. The Prophet ﷺ (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, “A man will do something only for the sake of Allah and, for that he will be beloved to the people.” [Muslim] We hope that ibn al-Qayyim is from these Muslims, and that our love for him is a sign of Allah’s love and acceptance of him.
The scholar of Qur’anic tafseer (commentary on the Qur’an), Ibn Katheer (may Allah have mercy on him), described him by saying, “He was attached to occupying himself with knowledge, day and night. He would pray and recite the Qur’an much and was of excellent character, and showed great affection and friendship.”
He has a great compilation of books; however only a few are translated into English. For those who speak or know Arabic, you can testify to the fact that his writings are very eloquent, deep, and poetry-like. Although his translated books and quotes are still moving in English, nothing can come close to the original Arabic.
Without further ado, here is a short compilation of a few of my favorite gems taken from various books by this great Imam(may Allah’s mercy be upon him and may He accept his deeds and grant him the highest gardens of Paradise):
For many Muslims involved in da’wah work or Islamic studies, one of the biggest struggles they face is praise and fame from their communities and peers. It is the nature of humans to praise what they see of people, but we are taught in our Deen that too much praise can harm a person.
Once, the Prophet (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) heard a man praising another, and he responded to him, “”May Allah ’s Mercy be upon you! You have cut the neck of your friend.” [Bukhari]
